The latest controversy over the thousands of “Red Shirt” Federation crew members killed over the last few decades has taken another turn. Star Fleet has admitted they have been “targeting” Target employees for enlistment promising them a better life.

“Have you ever seen such an unhappy bunch? We’re doing them a favor” Said Admiral Lester Dinkens. “Plus they already have the uniform.”

Since they usually died with in the first 10 minutes of an episode, there is never a way to trace the background of each crew member. It’s also been discovered that often they are not even given names, just a phaser and a communicator, that often never works when needed.

Star Fleet has not responded to our inquires about the rumors that the medical staff of Star Fleet were all once Best Buy employees.