Dennis Miller has been blackballed from Hollywood, according to celebrity spokesperson Janeane Garofalo, because he is "articulate, intelligent, informed, well-read and does not take himself too seriously and thereby we have decided that he does not 'fit in' with the rest of us." Garofalo went on to say that the decision, made by Hollywood's little-known Celebrity-Masonic-Tri-Delt-Union, was "absolutely not personal and certainly not related to politics. It is just that things run more smoothly in a group situation if people are on the same level, and as Dennis is not an utter knothead, like the rest of us, it makes people such as myself, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Sheryl Crowe and so forth feel really uncomfortable."

Reached for comment, Sarandon concurred, saying that "Dennis knows a lot of big words, too, and I mean, he knows what they mean. It's not like when, say, Jessica Lange uses big words she's learned from her personal 'big-word tutor.' I mean, then she's just regurgitating them at pointed moments in sentences. With Dennis, he knows where to use them all by himself. It makes the rest of us feel ill at ease and you know, it probably makes him feel badly too. We're certainly thinking of him."

According to an inside source, Sean Penn is said to have been the one who first pushed for Miller's eviction from Tinseltown. The star of such films as "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," and "I am Sam" was reportedly enraged at Miller's appearances, earlier this year, on Chris Matthews's and Phil Donahue's primetime news shows. During his appearances Miller expressed support for the war in Iraq, support for President Bush and contempt for Saddam Hussein. "Who does he think he represents," a furious Penn apparently asked, upon seeing Miller with Matthews and Donahue. "He's not a politician. He's not even an actor. I represent the people. Didn't you see 'I am Sam'? I represent the retard in all of us. And that's more than Dennis could ever say!"