10. Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles
Only known in the screenplay as “The Geek,” Hall’s character inexplicable has sex with the blond, drunk prom queen Caroline. Eh, as long as the geek gets laid, I’m not concerned with how realistically we get there.
9. Steve Urkel – Family Matters
By the 9th season, Laura and Steve agree to get married while he was on a mission in space. However, he was also dating nerd counterpart Myra in season 5. Between the two girls, I assume he got some, and that he has a cheeeeese fetish.
8. “Doc” Emmett Brown – Back To The Future 3
It only took hopping in a DeLorean and traveling to several different eras in time in order for Doc to meet the right girl. In the wild west era, Doc hooks up with Clara and they eventually have two kids. He gave her the ol’ Flux Capacitor - WINK! 7. Samuel “Screech” Powers – Saved By The Bell
Bayside High’s biggest nerd ended up dating 90s Tori Spelling! Well, Tori played uber-nerd Violet Bickerstaff, but still, Tori Spelling! 6. Comic Book Guy – The Simpsons
Notice how a lot of the television geek romances come much later in their runs. In the 12th season of The Simpsons, Springfield’s fat comic book owner, famous for pointing out the worst [blank] evers, hooks up with Principal Skinner’s mom. There is somebody for everyone, as this horrifying plotline proves. 5. Doogie Howser – Doogie Howser, MD
What started as a show about a nerdy kid genius doctor eventually became about a teenager in his own apartment having sex. That’s a clue that your show has jumped the shark: when the premise changes entirely.
4. Lewis – Revenge of the Nerds
NERDS!!! Well, you’d be upset too if you found out a nerd disguised himself as you, then had sex with your girlfriend. In the real world, Lewis would probably be arrested, but since this is the Court of Geek, I’m throwing the case out and issuing him a high-five.
3. Steve Carell – The 40 Year Old Virgin
Andy Stitzer is about as hopeless a nerd case as you can get: collects action figures, no girl prospects whatsoever, and doesn’t even have his own porn collection. Steve Carell’s breakout movie ends with Andy getting lucky, although it’s a hilariously short love-making session (30 seconds). 2. Louis Tully – Ghostbusters 2
He may never become a full-fledged Ghostbuster, but Louis (why weren’t you in the video game, Rick Moranis?) is 1/2 of the greatest on-screen nerd couple of all time. I bet bustin’ doesn’t make Louis feel nearly as good as gettin’ it on with Janine. Rawr!
1. Pee Wee Herman – Big Top Pee Wee
For some reason, bow tie wearing man-child Pee Wee Herman was way hornier in this movie than on the show, or in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (where he’s grossed out by Dottie). In Big Top Pee Wee, he’s all over trapeze artist Gina. Actually, this is one geek I would prefer to have stayed celibate.
Any others we didn’t list?